The Seven Nerve Signals
I spent seven months training under Bessel van der Kolk’s team in 2021.
What I learned in that room: charisma is a nervous system signal.
Stephen Porges named this decades ago with polyvagal theory. Your body reads safety before your brain reads meaning.
Save this before the meeting that decides whether you get remembered.
Seven signals your nervous system sends before you say a word👇
1. Pause. Pause before you speak
↳ Engages the vagal brake before the alarm fires
2. Body Language. Let your body talk first
↳ Signals safety through neuroception itself
3. Warmth. Smile before you think
↳ Activates the circuit that reads your face
4. Empathy. Make them feel tracked, not just heard
↳ Releases oxytocin when memory feels earned
5. Listen. Listen like it’s not your turn next
↳ Lowers their cortisol before they finish talking
6. Intimate. Use their name like a reward
↳ Fires the same circuit dopamine lights up
7. Lighthearted. Break tension with humor
↳ Shifts the nervous system out of threat mode
The body signals what words leave out
In 2021, I finished a seven month trauma certification with Bessel van der Kolk’s team.
Training built alongside Stephen Porges, the researcher behind polyvagal theory itself.
One line from that room changed how I read every room since. Listen, then listen to the listening.
The body signals what words leave out.
You’ve felt that signal underneath a room before. You said everything right in the meeting and the room still went quiet on you.
Your words were fine. Your nervous system just never got the room to open.
That’s the signal, working before you ever open your mouth.
Sanjiv Beri lives in Utrecht, Netherlands.
Sanjiv Beri – Longevity Performance Strategist & Founder of HEALTHSPAN.
More about Sanjiv Beri
🔔 Follow Sanjiv Beri for the nervous system science behind the signal you’re sending before you speak, and what to regulate before the next room that matters.
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